It's a familar place with slightly different scenary and an almost identical feel to an old comfortable spot i love. To the untrained eye, it might appear to be worlds apart from that familar place... but the heart can see it's exactly what i'm used to. You may ask, what place? Well it is colored forest blue and filled with a solitary depressiveness that somehow makes it bearable. It is fear; fear that i try and deny but that exists nontheless. Yet here I am still.
My place of fear can overwhelm if i stay sitting for long. Even having the ability to lead me, staggering drunkenly from one side to the next, sure of where I want to go but unsure I will get there. I've visited it so often that the owners, whom i've never seen, call me a resident. It is interwoven into the very fabric of my being as places sometimes can become. Despite my ability to charge ahead with God's strength it remains, continually evolving.
There isn't a good ending yet, for i can't even see the end. It is a fighting point, a place where God leads me to look up and cry "Daddy, I have no idea how to move on from this spot". I have hope, knowing that He has brought me out of this comfortable place before, but for now... I sit here. Struggling to move, yet remaining. Clinging to the promise of 1 Cor 1:9 "God, who has called you into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
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