What leaving is like...

Leaving is like a thorn stuck in my side that can't be removed. For days it lingers, remaining for what seems like a century. The wonder of it all is the thorns connection with a stem upon which stands a beautiful rose. Its sharp point remains embedded in my skin. Knowingly I realize it is something quite beautiful that causes the intense hurt. Gritting my teeth I allow the painful hidden tears to remain embedded inside. Upon further examination of the rose there is joy. Each petal holds each memories of a beautiful relationship. Every petals beauty is impeccably sweet on the eyes.

Suddenly,I recognize that the thorns impact is partially my choice. I can either focus on its ability to hurt me, or the joy which it holds. I am tempted to open my hand and completely drop each rose, to remove the pain easily. Thankfully before I do so I am reminded of each petals beauty. The Lord speaks showing me how softly one must cling to everything here. For to grasp tightly allows each thorn to impose itself painfully into my hand. Only when I loosely handle the roses do their full and pain-free beauty appear to me.

My Daddy Knows Me.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."(Psalm 37:4). I believe I've heard this verse quoted a million times in regards to marriage. While I don't doubt that it's true in that case, my Lord's shown me that it's also true for me RIGHT NOW.

Since i was a child I've wanted to serve the poor, widowed, and orphaned. Then, when I was 16 my heart beat turned to women who are in sexual slavery, forced into prostitution because of economic need, and sold by families who had no other option. This has been a dream that has never seemed plausible, even as I began looking into God's glorious heart for every ethne I held this dream in the palm of my hand, very much expecting for it to change or be removed.

"Take the coal, touch my lips, I am yours."

My Daddy knows me though, and my heart beats from His own. As he gives me the BEST gifts He's presented me with the opportunity to live my dream: Proclaiming His Holy name & empowering women, girls, & boys to hold occupations that don't require the selling of one's body. I'm blessed TO GO; specifically to Phenom Penh, Cambodia for 2 years beginning in late Aug/early Sept God willing!

For Writings Sake

I used to write here regularly, then i stopped (obviously). It's not because I don't have anything to say, in fact I feel the Lord's constantly blasting me with super-important bits of wisdom and insight that I sometimes easily let slide right past me before nailing them down, staring them in the face, and soaking up their truth. It's also not because no one reads this (I don't publicize it). I believe I stopped writing because... I became lazy and scared that someone would find out I blog, and read it only to find it horrifically awful.

Anyways, long rant short -> I feel like writing very badly right now so I'll begin.

The Lord's provision has been on my mind a lot recently; He's been showing up and boldly proclaiming that He can provide. Whether that's paying the bills of someone who just started tithing, or sending His people exactly where He wants them: There is no need to worry or be anxious as He will glorify Himself and provide everything needed.

Also: After being reunited with great friends who exude Prov 27:17 in my life, I've noticed myself pulling away and seeking solitude because I can't handle the pain of missing so many people, constantly. I don't believe this is right, fair, or okay and God slapped me in the face with this today: Love is simple, it fights for, rebukes, disciplines, points to Christ - ALWAYS. So as I claim to love masses, I have to question whether I really LOVE them or just love them in the cheesy & easy Hollywood way.

I feel like these thoughts aren't completely hashed out, but honestly I'm okay with that because with this you can see my writing exposed in it's natural state.

Love by Christs Strength & Grace,
Heather

P.S: Check out Mary Slessor's biography - it's epically awesome.

Love

I want to be part of a revolution.
I want to join with people who aren’t content with the status quo
And love God so much that they come to him as their dad..
I want to be part of a revolution, and it has to begin in love.

& I’m in love.

लव.

I mean, I really have nothing to say, because I am utterly speechless.

God is so good. His Kingdom is coming.

His love is insane, and the beauty he's created within His children is priceless.

I'm just overwhelmed with His love in a way that I can't explain.

SO i'll stop trying.

Beautiful. His love for me is absolutely beautiful.

& I can't wait for others to have this same love.

Perspective Shift: Need

You sit in a coffee shop, classroom, office building... and look around. Faces are seen everywhere - faces of people who are hurting, broken, bruised. Masked faces that keep moving forward directionless (or maybe completely driven by fear). It used to overwhelm me, the many people who don't know the Truth. Who haven't read the Word (either by choice or lack of ability). Faces of people who've never had faith in Jesus Christ, or have chosen to reject it.

I used to be overwhelmed by these faces, and more then just the faces that overwhelmed me were the friends, acquaintances, and people i see everyday. The people whose stories i know, or at least know some of, that i can't help but desperately pray that the Lord would open up their eyes to His presence and respond to Him in repentance and adoration.

Two weeks ago, i had a conversation that completely rocked my world and I realized... I can either chose to be overwhelmed by the need or chose to focus on building deep transparent relationships where God cannot help but be glorified. I'm horrible at focusing; at saying "no"... i want to help everyone, to show Jesus' magnificence to everyone not just a few. I want to be everything to everyone.

I didn't use to think this was a big issue until i realized the root reason why "I" wanted to do all of these things: pride. & the root reason I don't like saying no: I don't trust God.

So here's to a break and semester about narrow focus, and the choice to be free from overwhelming stress at such great need.

Keys To Survival

My favorite things list. In a particular order? yes and no.
- Bible
- Journal
- Family
- Best Friend
- Coffee
- Good Music: I.E punk, rap, rock, oldies, and of course Christmas music.
- Cute Boots
- Scarves
- Skinny Jeans
- Chocolate
- Cozy chairs
- Fireplaces
- Poetry